Entry number 1.

20th March 2016

Mid Semester exams were over. We all were so happy and we were going to enjoy the rest of the days and Holi. One of My

friends was going to give his belated Birthday party(mmmm Free food and beer ;)) later that evening . We all were

excited . And it turned out that I was drunk and was unconscious , and was doing all those funny stuffs which all drunken men do like I disclosed my ATM pin(Its a rare situation to have money in my account) . When I was entering a I restaurant I banged my head on the glass door of entrance .

Unfortunately, I made a call to my crush and friend while I was drunk. She was at her home enjoying the Holi vacations.

The conversations were like:

Me: "Hello, kaisi ho ?"

She(in very low sound): "Thik hun tum kaise ho?"

Me:"Ek bat karni thi tumse "

She(probably her mother was sitting next to her):"Whatsapp pe aoo na"

Me:"Thapar wale wifii nahi detein college ke bahar"

She(Realizing my drunken voice): "kaha ho tum?"

Me: "Tumse ek bat kahni thi , Sadaf I love you, I love you Sadaf and I mean it "

Man what the fuck i was doin!!!

She(frightened by mom and me):"Wrong Number"

Me:"Wrong number hai?? Fir thik hai Bye".

Man I blew up everything. That night was very tough for me . I sent kinda 20-30 sorry msgs to her who was angry at me for drinking alcohol and calling her like this in front of my friends . I don't know why did I do such a stupid thing.

May be I was influenced by Tvf pitchers ep01 much more than others(The Naveen and the apki company chutiya hai wala

scene)

She told me that I made her feel like a bitch or something, and thought that my friends back bitched about her.

Man, I had to apologise a lot for that mistake.

Finally, after making me swear upon her for not drinking alcohol in future she was ready to talk to me.

Not to mention,, no talk happened over The "I love you and I mean it " line.

21st March

I was running a little low on cash as usual . I was tired of feeling awkward and bankrupt in front of my friends

whenever it came to pay money in canteen and restaurant . An idea of a part time job struck in my mind. So this

afternoon when i went hostel after the classes were over, I searched on-line sites which were providing jobs based on

the skill i had till then . There were plenty of them . All one have to do is to upload their resume on those sites.

I was excited as this was the first time ever I had made a resume (Though my resume looked much more like a dream

story :) ). I said to myself "Ohh bencho ,, paise kamaunga,,part time karunga , apne pairo par khara hounga maza ayega"

I proudly filled all the details on one of the websites called Shine.com .And while doing that, Whenever any friend

approached me , I locked My Laptop Screen.

Meanwhile Sadaf was still angry on me for that incident .

23rd March -- THE JUDGEMENT DAY

Today was the last working day of the class. I and my friends(Ankur, Aditya, and Devesh) went to the Library canteen to grab some

tea and never found Paneer ke samose. It is our favourite spot for discussing our current life problems , our Future plans , our

feelings for each other, a little bit gay type :).

Anyways there we were eating our samosas and discussing about how we were going to spend the 4/5 days of Holi vacations . Ankur and Me were staying ,

while Aditya and Devesh were going home. Suddenly I checked my cellphone and to my surprise I had 4 missed calls from the some unknown

number displaying on the screen. I thought it might be the call from any company who wanted to hire me for a part time .As usuall,

I hadn't balance in my Cellphone , so I made a call from Ankur's phone . To my surprise there was a girl/women on the other side of the

phone and she were looking for someone having same kind of skills as of mine for a part time job of 2-3 hrs in HDFC bank. They were giving

9000-10000 rupees per month.They were calling me for an interview the same day in Chandigadh at about 3pm.

I couldn't help but told my friends about the whole part time shit. They were a bit surprised and motivated me to go there and at least

give the interview as we had no classes for the next few days.

But the problem was that the company was asking for 3000 rupees as registration fee and I hadn't even 3 rupees with me, neither in my account

nor in my purse. I couldn't call home for money as already there was money crisis on my home(Yes I belong from a middle-class family with lots

of hope on me :) :) ). So I shared this problem with My friends.

Finally I some how managed to arrange 3000 rupees and bus fare for Chandigarh. Ankur asked to come with me so that he could also get somewhat

experience of an interview and if interesting , he could also apply for the job. I told all my other friends that I was going to Chandigarh regarding

some official purpose of my relative(Though I never care about my relatives). I messaged Sadaf about this part time job stuff in which she showed no

interest.

So here we were,, on the Bus to Chandigarh. I was dreaming about my busy and cool life with a part time job, a life with my own goddamn 10000 pocket money. :)

Everything was just awesome. Meanwhile that women consultant had called 3-4 times asking if I was coming for the interview or not. Ankur seemed a bit

suspicious regarding the company if it was fraud.I had those feelings too but my golden dreams filled with blossoms and roses suppressed the negative thoughts. Anyways, We were there in Chandigarh ready to go to the location at sector 43. A man received us in a so-called well-looking office building.

He ordered water for us and left. Meanwhile, Ankur warned me "chupe kuch bhi ho jaye paise mat nikaliyo(Dumb , whatever happens , don't give the Money)".

My reply was "abe chutiya thhodi hun sale ,(what am i ?an idiot? )". The Man came and took me only with him in a room. There he filled all my details.

To my surprise, He didn't even had a working sketch pen for writing purpose. There was a cabin inside that room where He sent me in. A woman about 40-45 years

was sitting in there. She interviewed me there for approx half an hour. She asked questions about banking and not about the Technical or programming stuff

which I had mentioned in my CV . She asked me one last question about why I wanted

the job. This question touched me to deep inside my heart. To my Surprise Even after not answering many of the banking related questions, I was selected

for the training purpose for which She asked the 3000 rupees as registration fee. Something inside me was telling me That The company was fake and Fraud

and was planning to loot me . But again a voice from Tvf pitchers echoed my mind(Agar try karenge to may be hum successful honge ya may be nahi honge

, But agar nahi try karnge to definitely successful nai honge ). So I asked her "Maam where is the nearest Atm?" . She sent that Man with me to the nearest Atm

. On The Way to ATM , I met Ankur . He asked me something about money and job . The man with me , said Ankur to seat down and wait while we were going to ATM So Ankur just went away

while I went to the ATM to fetch money.

Finally, I submitted the money and took a receipt which looked like a blank sheet of paper with ABCD......Z on it . She assured me I would receive a call from them

within 10 days (Matlab ki mera chutiya kat chuka tha :) ). I and Ankur came out of there . Ankur was shocked that how could I give them the money, seriously, I was too

ashamed of me. But there was no backing now ,, jo hochuka tha so ho chuka tha. Very soon I started getting a bad feeling about the money I had just lost .

I was there on the roads of Chandigarh with no money and only Ankur .We had planned to tour the sexy city, but we were hungry. We saw a chole kulche shop and with whatever

money I had left I bought us chole kulche . Ankur wanted to tour in the city but after that fraud scenario I was in no mood for tour . But I didn't want to ruin my friend's

mood . So I quietly accompanied him. But My mind was lost somewhere else . I was thinking "what if the company is fake ?? How am I gonna pay the money back to my friends?

What a serious mistake i have made!!?How would I tell this to my parents Or to anybody else ? its a matter of shame"

Ankur told me not to worry and assured everything was going to be fine to which I replied mockingly "bhenchod tu hi asli panauti hai sala jaha sath me jata hai kam kharab ho jata hai "

Anyway, e went to a mall ,played some FREE games there. Whole the time I was worried about going back to college as I had no money and I was a bit ashamed of asking money from Ankur .

Then he told me Not to worry and I could pay him back anyday when I would have money (Though I haven't paid him yet :) ) We took a bus from Chandigadh at about 8pm . Bus was fully

crowded and only one of us could sit there . Ankur asked me to sit down .Thank god He had some biscuits in his bag(Oh yes bhanumati ka pitara . bc uske bag me kya kuch nai hota ).So there I was sitting in the bus and thinking "What's the importance of friends in life? obviously none of my family member knew where I was at that moment. If Ankur hadn't been there I wouldn't have gone back

to Patiala."

Finally at about 11 pm we were in J hostel and watching the last over of India vs Baglaadesh , and Hurray India won by one run. Bangladeshi cricket team really sucks!! “Ek run banana tha aur usme bhi hag diya :) ”

Then we had dinner and went back to Our Hostels. My prolonged depression was with me till then . There wasn't a single moment I wasn't thinking about 3000 rupees , and the

shame I earned coz I had failed and was cheated .

As the saying goes "Ye to sirf trailer tha picture to abhi baki hai mere dost":

Picture abbhi baki thi:

At about 2 am I got a message from Sadaf . I told her everything that happened with me that day . The message was like:

She: Hi , kaise ho?

Me: Badhiya bas 3000 ka chutiya katwa kar aya hun thodi der pahle .

She: kaise ? kya hua ?

Me: Yar wo company fraud hai sayad maine net pe search kiya koi company nai mili us name ki ,, halat kharab hai meri.

She: Mujhe tumhe kuch batana hai.

Me: bolo

She: Nahi tum gussa karoge .

Me: Arey bolo is se jyada bura kya hoga

She: Main bad me bataungi.

Me: Koi boyfriend hai kya ?

She: Ha

Me(Ab tak Bear wali bat pe naraj hai) : arey sorry us din ke liye .

She: arey nai sachme .

I didn't believe her . I knew her since 3 years and was talking a lot(means day and night) with her since 7 months . There was no way she could have a boyfriend.

Me: Babu I am sorry meri halat pahle se hi kharab hai .

She : Kasam se sach bol rahi hun.

Me: To tumne pahle kyu nai bataya

She: Main darti thi batane me.

Me:aur ab??

She: us din jo tumne nashe me phone kiya mujhe laga tum mujhse kafi attached ho gaye ho jo galat hai main 2 sal se committed hun.

Me: sahi hai koi bat nahi . enjoy kaaro. Life mubarak ho.

She: babu please I am sorry.

Me: Ha koi bat nahi meri kismat hi kharab hai isme tumhari kya galti hai.

She : Mujhe pata hai maine galat kiya hai but main kya kar sakti thi.

Me: pahle kyu nai bataya ab tak kya use kar rahi thi.

She: Aisa nahi hai .

Then I don't remember what happened ,, she called me and told the whole thing again. I was crying because there was no one at that moment to say"koi nai sab thik ho jayega ". That 3000 rupees seemed a bit cheap as compared to this situation . I asked Her about her boyfriend ,what was his name? , was he on facebook? To which she said "No".

I sent so many messages to her regarding how bad I was feeling and how much painful it was to know that the only girl you ever loved was already committed to someone else since two years and never told you . I told her she betrayed me, that god is seeing everything and blah blah (yeah i was deeply fallen in Love with her that time ).

I was unable to sleep with this pain. I had to do something before becoming a Devdas .So I thought to motivate myself.

I switched on my laptop and started watching the movie "Uddan".That movie inspired me lot. And at the current moment it was like a medicine to the sick boy. Finally I watched the movie and

went to sleep.

24th march HOLI HAIN

Next morning I switched on my Laptop and saw that there was a message from Sadaf which said "Hmmmm"(The most ridiculous words with so many meanings). I was furious to see that.

I thought "How could she do that with me ?? does she have no feelings for me at all?? A whole kinda fucking shit happened with me and she has nothing to say but Hmmm??"

I was already motivated enough form the movie "Uddan" . I played the song "Navv hai teri" from the same movie. So here I was ready to type some hateful message to Her(As if I was Zuckerberg from Social Network ).

The messages were like:

Me: Wahh itne bare situation me bas itna hi bone ko mila tha ?? Hmmmm??

Me: Kya use kiya hai tumne mera wah!!!!

Me: Itna ghamand kis bat ka hai tumhe Sadaf??

Me: Pahle us layak bano Apne aukat me raho fir ghamand dikhana .

I had absolutely no idea what my hands were typing . I was just like Mark Zuckerburg inventing facesmash a Harvard :) (Except for the Facesmash part)

Me: Dekhna jindagi me bahot pachtaogi .

Me: Tumhe kya lagta hai mere pas ldkiyon se bat karne ki kami hai ?? Arey wo to tumhe like karta tha isliye itna time deta tha.

Me: Jab pyar nai karti thi to Babu babu kyo karti thi. Ainda ye babu wala chutiyapa kisi aur ke sath mat karna .

Me: And tumhe kya lagta hai tum khubsurat ho ?? arey wo to main aise hi tumhara dil rakhne ke liye bol deta tha .

LOOK at my chutiyapa gyuz!!!!!!!!! ,,what kinda shit a man can do when he is angry .. So next time be alert while writing anything in anger.

Then I switched off my Laptop and went to brush my teeth . After about half an hour when I was back to my senses I realized what i had done.

Obviously whatever had happened with me was not good but Sadaf was not the only one to blame . It was my mistake too that even after knowing that we two hadn't anything in common

(Religion and ALL that as told by her) , I was the one to have feelings for her .

Anyways ,,now I realized what a big mistake I had done .. May be it was due to my anger . That I leave to the readers whether I had done wrong or right.

I sent about 50-60 sorry msgs to her but oops it was too late for me ,, She had blocked me on whatsapp.

That day was not good for me . Ankur came to my hostel . And there was a holi party outside the hostel. I tried to forget all my problems in the colors of Holi and the muddy wet girls of Thapar but it seemed too tough for me . But some how I managed to enjoy a bit with , Saksham , shivam , Ankur , Malay and others .

And Lord Shiva was too aware of my problems ,, so to save some pain in my ass ,, another funny incident occurred that day. Somehow me and my frnds ended up drinking bhang (though

I had promised her but there was no use of that promise now , she had left me and I was sad , too much sad). It was my first time to drink bhang and I advice to all those who are in

future plan of having it please back off I said back off.

After taking half glass of pure bhang ,, I came back to hostel , took a bath ,, and slept . At around 5 pm i woke up . my head was paining a lot and eyes were burning . Don't worry its the after effect of Bhang. I went to see if Saksham, Shivam , Malay and others were feeling the same . To my surprise ,, their room was completely dark .

On one side of the bed Shivam was sleeping(half sleeping half i don't know )Other side was Saksham laughing ,, in the corner Shubham was saying some fuddu shayris . And on the other side Pandey was getting angry on others. All I remember later was me collapsing on their bed , and crying for no reason . Then after few minutes I was laughing and Shubham was crying.

Man bhang had started to function . We all were feeling hungry . But none of us was in a state of waking up . Finally I and Malay somehow woke up and managed to drag our foot to mess.

We were hiding our Red eyes from others. Roti wasn't there on the table ,, so I and Malay went inside the cooking area to fetch some roti .

The cook (to me): kitni roti??

Me: 3

The cook gave Malay 1 chapati

Malay(raising one finger towards the cook): ek aur.

Cook gives him one chaapati.

Malay( again raising one finger towards the cook): ek aur.

Cook gives him another chaapati with a surprise.

Malay( again raising one finger towards the cook): ek aur.

Man this happened for aboy one minute until Malay took about 8-9 rotis.

Finally I dragged Malay toward the mess and we both sit to eat . We were eating like animals . The boy sitting in front of me asked "Bhai kya karke aya hai??"

I just finished my food and left as quickly as possible without even looking upward .

To Be Continued ……….